Label / Cat. No: Decca PFS 4212
First Released: 1970

What The Album Blurb Says…

The Moog Synthesizer, this incredible and new electronic musical wonder, has had an uneven ride on records, especially in the popular field. Effectively used on two great-selling albums (Switched-on Bach and The Well-Tempered Synthesizer), the Moog served the classics as a kind of musical duplicator, that is, reproducing and imitating the sound of real instruments. In the “pop” field it has been a fairly different story. Most often used as a gimmick for the odd effect, the Moog has not fully come into its own in the popular field. This may be due to the Moog’s personality: it speaks with strength, it doesn’t care to be in the background and if used improperly it completely overshadows everything else that is going on.

On this LP Claude Denjean comes to terms with the problem by giving the Moog its rightful place in a fair exchange between synthesizer and orchestra. To exciting settings of twelve great hit sons, this LP really gives the Moog, it all its electronic glory. That plus the stereo excellence of Phase 4 adds up to irresistible listening.

What I Say

Imagine it – 1970. It was a good year, vintage some might say. An especially good year for boys born in Croydon. Around September time I’d say. Yes, very good indeed.

Of course, space was still sexy, the Moon looming large in people’s minds as well as in the sky. Music and technology coming together in one big cosmic fusion, with the magnificent Moog! leading the charge. Wibbly wobbly farty noises added a bit of universal mystery to any song, and boy is that a lesson that Claude Denjean has learnt.

Claude Denjean. Ah, the mysterious Dutchman who rode to the rescue of the Moog!’s reputation. Noble Claude, the man who was going to put the Moog! centre stage to show it’s critics what it could do. What I can’t understand is why anybody wouldn’t like the Moog! it’s got an exclamation mark and everything. It’s also one of only three instruments named after a real person – The Moog!, The Sousaphone, and of course Rolf Harris’ Stylophone. Actually, that would be an album I would pay to hear, one combining those three iconic instruments. Someone should pitch this to E.M.I.

Anyway, it seems a bit unfair to call this a ‘Forgotten Album’, because there’s plenty of pictures and copies of it all over the internet. I fear that it may have become a bit of a cult classic because, like the moon, this album is made of pure cheese. Extremely cheesey cheese at that.

I shouldn’t be harsh. It’s just a reflection of the times, and I’m happy to accept an album that hangs on the idea of a synthesizer as a novelty. I would of course be happier if it was a better album though.

Stylistic tics aside, this could have been an opportunity not only to showcase the versatility of the Moog!, but also to use it to enhance the songs chosen for the album. Instead, it really is mostly an opportunity to make wibbly wobbly farty noises over pretty bland arrangements of popular songs.

The Moog! also seems to take on the melody lines of the songs, which is fair enough. It is after all the Moog!’s album – it says so on the cover and everything. It’s trying to have its cake and eat it (do Moog!’s eat cake? I’m not sure….) It could work if it were being purely tuneful, it could work if it were trying to be atmospheric, but trying to be both ends up as overkill.

The Moog! may well be a victim of its own success. It shows too much variety in what it can do to give this album any kind of thematic structure (oh, look at him, old Mr. Forgottenalbums, getting above himself and talking about thematic structure….) There’s no common thread through the (wildly differently arranged) songs here.

And the arrangements themselves are, frankly, weird. Not just odd, but outright looney tunes. All you need to do is play the two (yes, two!) ‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’ clips to see what I mean. Without the sleeve notes, it took me over half a minute to work out what the song was.

‘Come Together’ is unusually sombre, ‘Everybody’s Talkin’ has completely removed that beautiful rolling guitar that makes the song, and ‘Lay Lady Lay’ literally, honestly made me laugh out loud.

If this is the sound of the future, then we are all doomed. Doomed I tell you.

Tracks

Side 1

1. Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye
2. Nights In White Satin
3. Sugar, Sugar
4. Raindrops Keep Fallin’ On My Head
5. House Of The Rising Sun
6. Everybody’s Talkin’

Side 2

1. Venus
2. Come Together
3. Bridge Over Troubled Water Clip 1 Clip 2
4. Lay Lady Lay
5. United We Stand
6. Proud Mary

Final score:

3! out of 10

Label / Cat. No: HIRA HL 8536
First Released: 1972

What The Album Blurb Says…

In the grooves of the record contained within this sleeve is a wealth of talent performed by one family of four people – mother, father, daughter and son.

Don’t run away with the idea tha this highly popular family foursome became a versatile show overnight. What they are today is the product of many years experience in the world of entertainment. The mother and father, Ellen and Eddy, were both playing individually in concert parties when they met and married in their early 20’s. Ellen is an organist and vocalist and Eddy is an organist, accordionist and pianist.

The musical twosome continued for a number of years but it was a forgone conclusion tha their two children, Sharron and Adrian, would follow in their parents’ footsteps.

Sharron had just reached the age of 10 when she was considered proficient as an alto saxophonist and was introduced into her parents’ well-presented show. As years went by, she added clarinet, soprano and tenor saxophones, bass guitar, vibraphone and her contralto voice and is now a very accomplished young lady – a versatile musician with a charming personality.

Adrian was introduced into the show two years later at the age of eight and his terrific personality showed through in his ability as a percussionist and guitarist. Now he is a young man with a wealth of experience behind him and is a very polished performer.

It was at this point that “The Kaye Family” was born and Sharron and Adrian soon proved their worth by helping to obtain rave notices in “The Stage” and other newspaper media.

The family went on to appear at many top venues throughout the country in every field of the variety entertainment industry – theatres, halls, commercial studios, clubs, cabaret, restaurants and the like.

success followed success and now HIRA RECORDS place The Kaye Family before you to perform at your command in your own home. This high quality long-playing record shows clearly some of the many facets of this fascinating family.

Sit back and relax and dwell in the wonderland of sound that the Kaye Family presents to you – and you alone!

Drift along on clouds of romance, feel philosophical, hear the swirling colours of sun-drenched Spain, linger upon lonely seashores, fly amongst the stellar constellations, go for a trolley ride, swing with the up-tempo big band style beat.

yes, all this comes to you everytime you fall under the magical spell of the sound of The Kaye Family.

Happy listening!

Martin Philips

What I Say

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand we’re back. Hello. Sorry for the delay…. The real world took over for a while. I’ll try not to let it happen again.

And what a way to come back, a return visit to The Kaye Family everyone’s favourite family musical combo.

After hearing the ‘Live!’ album, I just had to go back to the charity shop where I’d bought it to see if there were any others there, and Bingo!, this little beauty was in my hands in a matter of moments.

Pre-dating ‘Live!’ by a couple of couple of years, this album is so much more fulfilling. The production values here are vastly superior, and we have a clear sound rather than the somewhat muddy live recording. Having said that, I’m not sure if that’s entirely a good thing. After all, you can actually hear Sharron (note, two ‘r’s – very showbiz) and Ellen’s arch vocals, combining to provide a sound that I find slightly scary. Listen to ‘You’re Just In Love’ and tell me you haven’t been even slightly traumatised.

The album is of course worth every penny, if only for the sleeve notes. At last I get to know all their names. Ellen and Eddy – what a pairing. A partnership made in the stars, names that chime together. And let’s not forget the second generation, Adrian and Sharrrrrron, virtuoso musicians in their own right. And please note, I’ve been very realistic here, and made sure that I didn’t run away with the idea tha this highly popular family foursome became a versatile show overnight. Only a fool would do such a thing.

Musically there’s not much of a surprise – I can’t see that they took any major direction changes between this and ‘live’. I mean, I would love to have found that this was their forgotten psychedelic masterpiece, or they’d made an experimental jazz album. But this is again simply a series of standards set to a bontempi bossa nova beat.

Which takes me back to Adrian. I may have suggested in my last review that he was conceived just because Ellen and Eddy needed a drummer for the band. I take it back of course. After all, he’s not exactly prominent – throughout the whole of side one I couldn’t tell if it was Ade or the organ’s built in rhythms that were providing the percussion – some of the fancier fills during Telstar testify to a human hand. His playing is subdued, almost unnoticeable. If only Keith Moon had been more like Adrian Kaye, things would be very different today. Ah, the benefit of hindsight.

The choice of songs seems to show their club roots – a couple of ‘modern’ tracks, and plenty of old favourites for the mums and dads. Of course, with Sharrrrrrrrrrrrrrrron being a clarinettist, ‘Stranger on the Shore’ was a given – I suspect she’d just taken her Grade 5 exam, and that was one of the set pieces, so the family recycled it into their set, chuck in a bit of an inappropriate fancy rhythm and Bob’s your uncle. You know, Bob Kaye. Everyone knows Bob.

So, er…. yes. This was pretty much as I’d expected. I’m glad I revisited this fine family. I can’t decide if it’s a good or a bad thing that this kind of act isn’t around any more. Or maybe it is – maybe I should’ve been watching ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ to discover the 21st Century’s ‘Kaye Family’ rather than listening to 35 year old oddities. All I know is that my world is marginally richer thanks to Ellen, Eddy, Sharrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrron and Adrian. Thanks guys, you’ve been great.

As a special treat, you too can listen to ‘The Kaye Family Album’. I’ve stuck the whole thing up HERE though you may have to endure some scantily clad girls in your area to download the file. Sorry. Just scroll down a bit, wait for the counter to hit zero (it’s only a few seconds delay), type in the code, and there you have it, The Kaye Family Album in all its glory. I’m good to you people, I really am. Oh, and you can see the full size cover by clicking on the image at the top of the entry. Really, I should stop being this good. It hurts.

Tracks

Side 1

1. The Wonder Of You
2. Blowin’ In The Wind
3. Stranger On The Shore
4. You’re Just In Love
5. Telstar

Side 2

1. Trolley Song
2. You Don’t Have To Say You Love Me
3. Espana
4. The Wedding
5. Ticket To Ride / ‘A’ Train / Chattanooga Choo-Choo

Final score:

7 out of 10

Label / Cat. No: Hirra HLS 207831
First Released: 1974

What The Album Blurb Says…

The Kaye Family must surely rank as unique among musical entertainers. Mother, Father, Daughter and Son, whilst each projecting strong individual qualities in their respective talents, merge into a blendship of melodic unity, which is smoothly maintained throughout a warm and appealing performance.

Audience attention is commanded by supreme musicianship, smack on timing that would do justice to a space shot and a superb arranging ability. Deeply insighted into people’s requirement in entertainment, they have the happy gift of presenting the very best material covering a spectrum from light to popular music.

This intimate family unit, small as it is, nevertheless produces the big sound.

The skilful change of immaculate gowns, by the ladies who supply the vocals, compliments their splendid harmony.

There is nothing magical in their success, just hard unrelenting work, dedication to their art and that impelling desire in all true professionals to bring and give only of the best to the people.

Ringing the curtain down on The Kaye Family is a difficult task, the clamour is always for more.

Call your own family together, set the turntable to 33 1/3 r.p.m. and be assured that you too will spin this disc many times.

DICK DOYLE
Gwaun-Cae-Gurwen
South Wales

What I Say

Can I get this out of the way first. Musical family groups are creepy. From the Von Trapp singers to The Jackson Five, there is something just so…. wrong about large members of the same family performing together. I think the optimum level is two brothers – just look at Oasis, Spacehog or The Black Crowes. Two brothers bring the necessary friction, the dynamic which pushes both to outperform and out achieve the other.

But just look at the Kaye Family. You know behind the bearded face at the keyboard lies a tartar. A man who has marshalled his wife and children into his dreams of stardom. “Sharon darling, we need another baby. We don’t have a drummer. Brace yourself…”.

And this is the result…. I’m saying nothing.

To be fair, the family are all talented musicians (in their own way), but how many teenagers would a) voluntarily practice their musical instruments, b) want to spend large amounts of their free time rehearsing with their parents, and c) appearing in public, not only with your parents, but wearing the same clothes as them. I can only imagine the number would be very small, which means that either the Kaye Family are one in a milllion, or Old Man Kaye beats his children in time to the ‘Rumba’ setting on his organ.

Of course he doesn’t. I think legally I need to make it clear that I do not believe that Mr Kaye in any way mistreats his family. Though of course, he does mistreat the audience with his organ led arrangements. The Rumba is his favourite setting (NOT for beating his family, NOT for beating his family – I can’t stress that enough), as everything has that very 1970s latin arrangement to try and make them sound exotic and mysterious. I’m not sure how exotic and mysterious the Canton Liberal Club, Cardiff on a June night in 1974 really was, but I’m sure the Kaye Family helped the atmosphere along enormously.

These are clearly a band who’ve done the club circuit. They belt out the numbers double fast, not giving the audience the chance to catch their breath, throw missiles or shout insults. Just listen to the introduction and see how long it takes them to launch into the fastest version of ‘Cabaret’ that you will ever, ever hear. And ‘Aquarius’ gets the same treatment. Be still my racing heart, it’s all that I can do to keep my breath.

I’ve often found that if you listen carefully to a lot of these old albums I find, you can often find one of the musicians, there in the background, just itching to be allowed a chance to break free and really show what he can do. You don’t have to look too hard on this album to find that member of the group. The son (let’s call him Jim. I have no idea what his name is, but Jim seems as good as any) clearly toes the party line on the drums. His father’s arrangements are strictly adhered to. But there seems to be a pay off. Maybe Jim’s got something on his old man… some indiscretion maybe, or knowledge of a dark family secret. But clearly there is a deal been struck here. Jim plays his old man’s parts to the letter, but he’s allowed to let rip at the end of the songs. And by Jove does this boy let rip! Think Animal from The Muppets on steroids. Jim is up for some serious thrashing of those skins. So the gentle folk rhythms of ‘Where Have All The Flowers Gone’ end with Jim rockin’ the house. And good on him I say.

Dad demands his moment in the spotlight, and gets a solo spot with his ‘Short Selection of Famous Overtures’, which I will just say is possibly the most tedious thing I have ever had to listen to. Although Jim livens it up a bit at the end in his own inimitable style. And then Jim gets to lead on ‘Midnight In Moscow’, and things start to go crazy. Seven Russian Themed songs in a medley with drums as lead instrument all the way. Magic in a tin it is, magic in a tin.

Ultimately, I can’t blame them for the way they look, because it was 1974 so this was what was expected (even the silver capes, I suspect). I can’t blame them for providing populist entertainment because they’re doing the club circuit, and that’s what’s needed. I can’t even blame them for being slightly creepy because they’re a family, and unlike a lot of families, at least they’re spending a lot of time together and doing something creative.

What I can blame them for is getting Dick Doyle to write their album blurb, and for using a word as obscene as ‘blendship’. Eurghhh. What were they thinking?

Oh, and it turns out his name’s not Jim. It’s Adrian. I should have guessed. He looks like an Adrian.

Tracks

Side 1

Cabaret
Put On A Happy Face
Something’s Going To Happen Tonight
Love Me With All Your Heart
Quando Quando
Never Ending Song Of Love
Everybody Loves A Lover
High On A Hill
Where Have All The Flowers Gone?
Too Young

Side 2

Granada
White Rose Of Athens
A Short Selection Of Famous Overtures
Aquarius
Midnight In Moscow
Volga Boat Song
Gopak
Black Eyes
From Russia With Love
Kalinka

Final score:

6.5 out of 10 but only because I’m strangely drawn to their bass playing daughter…

Label / Cat. No: FONTANA 700 151 WGY
First Released: 1965+

What The Album Blurb Says…

FONTANA – spezial – Langspielplatten sing nach dem modernsten Stand der Schallplatten – Aufnahmetechnik hergestellt. Alle Aufnahmen sind mit den neuesten professionelien stereo-Bandgeräten und Stereo – Kondensator – Mikrofonen gemacht, die alle mit dem menschlichen Ohr wahrnehmbaren Frequenzen des Hörspectrums zwischen 16 und 16 000 Hertz erfassen. Sie garantieren – auch in der Monofassung – eine unübertroffene Klarheit des Klanggeschehens und ermöglichen die Reproduktion des Originalklanges in voller Dynamik, naturgetreuer Klangfarbe und absoluter Reinheit der Tonhöhe. Die Überspielung dieser hochwertigen Originalaufnahmen und Übertragung auf Pressmatrizen geschieht mit höchster technischer Präzision in klimatisch regulierten Räumen unter Verwendung elektronischer Kontrollsysteme. Die fertiggestellten Langspielplatten werden laufend optisch und akustisch überprüft und dann mit einer neuartigen Vakuum – Schutzfilm – Verpackung fabrikmässig versiegelt.

Der Käufer der FONTANA – spezial – Langspielplatten kommt somit in den vollen Genuss dieser hervorragenden Aufnahmetechnik. Voraussetzung dafür ist jedoch die einwandfreie Beschaffenheit der Wiedergabeapparate, insbesondere der Zustand des Abtastsaphirs. Auf dieser winzigen Spitze lastet auch bei geringstem Gewicht des Tonarmes eine Kraft, die dem Gewicht eines mittleren Kraftwagens auf der Fläche eines Zehnpfennig – stückes entspricht. Der Saphir ist daher der Abnutzung unterworfen und sollte auch bei normalem Gebrauch in regelmässigen Abständen ausgewechselt werden.

What I Say

OK, OK, first things first. I know quite well that the album blurb is really just FONTANA telling us what great records they make, and not directly related to Claude Meunier or his Orchestra, but I just love the German language. It really is the language of love with all those sexy guttural sounds and harsh grating consonant clashes. Mmmm…. does it for me every time, though that might in part be from a childhood watching ”Allo ‘Allo’ and the sexy secretary to Herr Flick.

And anyway, it’s harder than it looks, typing in another language. But I love the way FONTANA capitalise their entire name, and any phrase which may reflect on them also gets capitalised, you know, just in case.

The previous owners of this album thoughtfully left a sticker with their name, address and telephone number on the front of this record. So, Basil and Marjorie of Droitwich Spa, what posessed you to buy this album? I mean, it’s pretty inoffensive, but how did you think it was going to enhance your life?

The conceit for this album is that it’s a Party. At Madeleine’s house. And not just any kind of party, oh no! The only cirumstances under which this album could possibly come about are something like the dramatisation below. I shall call the characters Marjory and Basil entirely as a random choice…

Basil: Hey, have you heard, there’s a party at Madeleine’s.

Marj: A party? At Madeleine’s?

Basil: Yes, a party at Madeleines. And guess what!

Marj: What?

Basil: It’s a Dance Party.

Marj: Terrific. So no food or drink to get in the way of our non-stop dancing then.

Basil: None. In fact, so as not to distract us at all, she’s holding her Dance Party in a big red room, empty except for a few inconveniently placed miniature packing cases right slap bang in the middle of the dance floor.

Marj: Groovy.

Basil: You said it Daddio.

Marj: I’d better get my striped top if I’m really going to swing the joint.

Basil: And don’t forget your ski pants either.

I do have to ask if anyone has ever been to a party, Dance or otherwise where people have come together to form the combination of shapes that we have on the cover. It is so posed as to be laughable to our cynical 21st Century eyes, but there surely must’ve been a time when this image truly depicted teenagers having a groovy time.

And who, except those wishing to trick their friends who’ve just taken acid, would party in a plain red room. Well, OK, who apart from David Lynch.

But my absolute favourite part of the cover is the girl in the background in the red and white striped top. While all the others are carefully holding their poses in a pretence of a) enjoying themselves and b) dancing with all the gay abandon of youth, our girl is making a half-hearted hand movement, and staring straight at the camera!. Good girl! They’ve tried to hide this by putting the word ‘Claude’ right across her face, but her eyes line up beautifully with the ‘u’ and ‘d’ making it look like she’s wearing avant-garde spectacles. Marvellous!

What do you mean, ‘what about the music’? It’s fairly innocuous, bog-standard Hammond Organ stuff. ‘The Happy Organ Player’ just about sums this all up. Actually, so does the ‘Happy Sailor’. When you’re at a Dance Party, everybody’s happy. Not the kind of thing I’d be likely to dance to, or even use to liven up my party, but then that’s where Madeleine and I differ.

Tracks

Seite 1

1.Skiffy
2. Amalita
3.Pierre et Madeleine
4. Tête à tête
5. Deseo
6.Happy Sailor
7. Huckleberry Finn

Seite 2

1. Jumping Jacks
2.The Happy Organ Player
3. Lorena
4. Croisettes
5. Baquita
6.Jolly Melody
7. Samba Mobile

Final score:

4 out of 10. Inoffensive is the best I can muster.

Label / Cat. No: Contour 2870 317
First Released: 1973

What The Album Blurb Says…

As well as his popular programmes in the Sun Lounge on the North Pier at Blackpool Raymond Wallbank has also appeared as a concert organist in many parts of the country, including performances on the fine organ at the Gaumont, Manchester.

During the winter months Raymond plays for dances almost every evening. His recent engagements include appearances at the Floral hall, Southport on the same bill as Victor Sylvester and his Orchestra and as successor to Reginald Dixon as organist at the official switch-on of Blackpool Illuminations carried out by Danny La Rue.

Like many top-class artistes Raymond makes time to do special charity performances, including regular broadcasts for local hospitals. He also took part in a special B.B.C. television programme about Blackpool, and has been heard on B.B.C. Radio programmes.

He is, of course, well known to many thousands of Blackpool holiday-makers and his twice daily organ recitals in the Sun Lounge have become a permanent feature of the North Pier summer-time entertainment – in fact an important contribution to Blackpool’s wide range and variety of top class artistes appearing each year for the enjoyment of countless holiday-makers.

His special request programmes offering on-the-spot birthday, anniversary, or purely sentimental tunes, from (sic – I’m sure it should be ‘form’) the high-light of a programme content which caters for all ages and all tastes, recalling nostalgic moments for many patrons. His sense of humour and pleasant personality set the scene for a delightful two-hour concert of relaxed musical entertainment with, of course, the possibility of a sun-tan at the end of it! Why not try it for yourself when next in Blackpool.

What I Say
I know you must all think that it’s a life of glamour, searching England’s premier charity shops to find albums for your delectation and delight, but believe it or not, there is a down side. Every so often you’re reminded that you’re looking through the once-treasured record collection of somebody recently departed. I had such a moment when I chose Relax & Listen. One day, about 30 albums of organ music appeared, all together, in one particular shop – obviously somebody found this sort of thing appealing.

There were a number of albums there by Reggie Dixon who as I’m sure you know is the Daddy of the Blackpool organ scene. In face I’d go so far as to say that the former owner of the records had been a serious Reggie fan. But of course, I try not to go by names, I go by the covers. And oh my, what a cover.

I’m sure Raymond is a lovely chap. It says so on the back of the album after all – ”his pleasant personality” – but he would also appear to be easily led. I’m fairly confident he didn’t choose the scenario for the album cover, not least because he looks so uncomfortable having a semi-clad ‘lovely’ snuggling up to him in his acrylic suit and kipper tie. His smile is forced, and his eyes are wishing he was somewhere, anywhere but there. Those aren’t laughter lines he’s got – that’s 100% tension.

And I know this may well be a case of pots and kettles, but does anyone think that a man like Raymond would be the recipient of attention from as young a nubile lovely as we have on this cover? I know that certain women go for musician types, but really….. are there organ groupies (fnarr….)

In a past life, I used to run a betting shop in Blackpool. I know, how do I live with the shame, etc… but I can tell you that having worked for two summers in Blackpool there is not one single day when you would want to be wearing a bikini. It’s cold, it’s wet and it’s windswept. I wouldn’t be surprised if our lolly waving lady wasn’t painted to hide the lovely shade of blue her skin must surely have turned. You don’t wear bikinis in Blackpool. You wear scarves and gloves. And a hat. And one of those coats that looks like a duvet. I actually laughed out loud at the comment that you could enjoy a two-hour Raymond gig, and have a sun-tan at the end of it. Now frostbite I could believe.

Lolly wielding wench aside, I’m a bit concerned that all we learn about Raymond is by association. He once played on the same bill as Victor Sylvester. Well whoop-de-do. I once played on the same bill as Bobby Nolan. What do you mean who? Bobby Nolan is the brother of the “fantastically talented” Nolan Sisters. But I don’t boast about it. Equally, just because he played the organ when Danny La Rue was switching on the Illuminations doesn’t actually raise his standing as an organ player. He just happened to be doing his job at the same time. I once performed as part of a double act while Benny Hill just happened to be in the audience. Doesn’t mean I put it on my journal info page. Actually, that gives me an idea….

Well, at least you’re getting to find out more about me.

So I have to say I’m very suspicious of a man who seems only to be famous by association. Even that cover has to have the Blackpool Tower lurking in the background just so we know that’s he’s from the tradition of Blackpool organists.

All in all very poor.

What do you mean I haven’t spoken about the music? Well, it was crap. Really, truly, awfully dreadful. Painfully so. But if you actually like this kind of thing, then it might be passable. But to me, this is the worst thing I’ve put myself through in years. Save yourselves. Avoid the sound clips. Especially ‘Delilah’. You poor people, flee while you still can.

Tracks

Side 1

1. A Wonderful Day Like Today (From the musical ‘The Roar of the Greasepaint’)
2. The Onedin Line Theme Music (Love Theme for Spartacus)
3. Delilah
4. More
5. This Is My Lovely Day
6. If I Were A Rich Man

Side 2

1. One Of Those Songs
2. Somewhere My Love (Lara’s theme from ‘Dr. Zhivago’)
3. Raindrops Keep Fallin’ On My Head (from Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid)
4. Sleepy Shores (theme from BBC TV series Owen M.D.)
5. Ave Maria
6. Climb Ev’ry Mountain (from ‘The Sound of Music’)

Final score:

1.5 out of 10 for the violently coloured lollipop

Label / Cat. No: Music For Pleasure MFP1406
First Released: 1968

What The Album Blurb Says…

Gladys Mills – one time superintendent of the typing department at the Paymaster General’s Office in London – turned professional pianist in 1962 at the age of forty, and has since become a household favourite. Mrs. Mills has been playing the piano for most of her life. She began at the age of three but lessons ended for her when she was twelve years old.

She was fourteen when she entered her first talent contest, and needless to say she won it. As a member of an amateur concert party Mrs. Mills travelled many hundreds of miles during the last war entertaining the troops, visiting camps, gun-sites and military hospitals throughout England.

It was at a golf club social evening that club member Paul Cave heard band pianist Mrs. Mills and gave her a phone number to ring. This she did and found herself booked to appear on Billy Cotton’s television show and to maker her first record.

Since that time Mrs. Mills has made countless records and her popularity has risen over the years. Hear her now on this record as she plays twelve bright and breezy tunes including Second-hand Rose, I’m Nobody’s Baby, Candy Floss and Oh Johnny! Oh Johnny! Oh!, together with many more, a tremendous selection of popular melodies with that extra touch that only Mrs. Mills can add, so why not sit back and listen to the cheerful sound of Your One and Only Mrs. Mills.

What I Say

OK, so I have a confession. This was the very first album I bought from a charity shop, all those years ago now, and purely because of my grim fascination with the cover. A middle aged woman in a maid’s outfit holding a feather duster and proffering a cup of tea? Why, that’ll sell millions!

The very first thing you need to remember about this classic album is that it was released in 1968. That’s one whole year after Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Heart’s Club Band, and I can’t think of two more different albums. While the Beatles broke down barrier after barrier and innovated in ways almost unimaginable, Mrs. Mills is squarely in the easy listening genre, and this album could have been made at any point in the twenty years up to 1968.

I do have a slight complaint, that although it promises on the front that the album is full of ‘piano favourites’, I have to say that they’re not my favourites, and nor are a majority played on a piano. This is Bontempi music for the masses, with subdued swing guitars, over enthusiastic closed hi-hat playing drummers and bored double bassists a-plenty. The arrangements do have one redeeming factor though – Mrs. Mills ‘piano’ is often so low in the arrangement and the mix that you’d be hard pressed to tell it was her album.

The overall effect though is that the faster numbers all sound like theme-tunes for seventies sit-coms, and the slow ones sound like the generic tunes played at a pensioner’s tea-dance in Morecambe on a wet-November. Actually that’s not quite fair. The faster numbers sound like the score to the film versions of seventies sit-coms. See, never say I’m not prepared to be fair about these matters.

The only exception is the final track, ‘Thank You Everybody’ which has an uncharacteristic edginess to it – a more 60’s production all round – shrill horns, fast paced, choppy time signatures. I’m not saying it’s an excellent example of contemporary music, but after the predictable twaddle that comprised the previous 11 tracks, this is a refreshing change. For that reason alone, I’ll stick up the whole song for you to “enjoy”.

I’m still baffled as to why this album was made – Mrs. Mills is far from being a concert pianist, and her contributions to this album seem to be less than technically demanding. As a crap pianist myself, I feel that I’m able to make these kind of ill-informed judgements with impunity! But she doesn’t stand out as a lead instrumentalist, and I can’t help get the feeling that someone’s just using her ‘fame’ to promote an album of bog standard, bland easy-listening. I fear poor Mrs. Mills has been sore abused, and I just hope that she didn’t become too disillusioned with the music industry after making this album.

Tracks

Side 1

Second-hand Rose
I Was Queen Victoria’s Chambermaid
Indian Summer
Newsboy
There’s A Blue Ridge Round My Heart Virginia
Alice Blue Gown

Side 2

Oh Johnny! Oh Johnny! Oh!
Someone Like you
Where The Black Eyed Susans Grow
Candy Floss
I’m Nobody’s Baby
Thank You Everybody

Final Score

7.5 out of 10